Will We Ever Get There?

         I have always thought depression was something that made someone sad and how sad depended on how bad the depression was. I have learned this is not the case. I have learned depression is a illness just like any other illness. It comes in many different is is an expert at masking itself. It is believed that 1 out every 5 people in the United States suffer from some form of depression. Sometimes it is short lived and some times it last a lifetime. I can remember a time when standing in front of a crowd, large or small did not bother me at all. As a matter of fact I used to speak to groups of people, (some large, some small) on a weekly basis. Not to brag but I considered myself pretty good at it. I point to the fact that they kept asking me back. Back then I was involved in a prison ministry and would spend every Sunday afternoon at the county prison. This particular county prison held about 1300 inmates. It was something I enjoyed very much and use to look forward to all week. This particular prison was divided into 4 parts which they called blocks. A block, B block, C block, and D block. B block was where the violent felons and had been closed off to the prison ministry for 15 years. One Sunday  right before the service was about to start the prison chaplain called me over and asked me if I was interested in going into cell block B. Seems the warden was impressed with what I was doing and decided to open cell block B to the prison ministry. I said of course and remember how excited I was. From that point on every Sunday I would go into cell block B to hold services. It was the most rewarding time of my life. Every thing seemed to be going great until one Sunday I got up in front of the prisoners, about 75, and I was terrified. I could not move, I could not speak, it was like I was frozen. What I was terrified of I could not tell you, I just remember this feeling of complete dread. I said a few words I'm sure nobody could understand and got out of there as fast as I could. This was the first time I knew something was wrong, and thus began my journey of living life with depression. I'm sharing this and will continue to each day in the hope that if someone is suffering as I was and have not been able to figure out what's wrong, this will help them seek the help they need. There are many out there willing to help and I believe education about this sickness will help more than anything else. Have a good night I'll see ya later.